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20 Garden Funnies

Published: 3rd February 2017 in Humour
  1. Why do potatoes make good detectives?   Because they keep their eyes peeled.

     

  2. My wife's a water sign.   I'm an earth sign.   Together we make mud.

    - Rodney Dangerfield

     

  3. How do you lead a horse to water?   With lots of carrots.

     

  4. Everyone has these on their face?   Tulips  

     

  5. "I have no plants in my house.  They won't live for me.  Some of them don't even wait to die, they commit suicide."

    - Jerry Seinfeld  

     

  6. "What did the carrot say to the wheat?   Lettuce rest, I'm feeling beet."

    - Shel Silverstein

     

  7. God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.  

     

  8. Why are husbands like lawn mowers?   They are difficult to get started, emit foul smells, and don't work half the time.   

     

  9. Knock, Knock!   Who's there?   Lettuce.   Lettuce who?   Lettuce in, its cold out here. 

     

  10. What do you call two young married spiders?   Newly webs.  

     

  11. "What does the letter "A" have in common with a flower?   They both have bees coming after them."

    - Kim Roblin  

     

  12. Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth…Bristle sprouts.

     

  13. What is a Honeymoon Salad?   Lettuce alone, with no dressing. 

     

  14. "A man should never plant a garden larger than his wife can take care of."   

    - T.H. Everett  

     

  15. What kind of flowers do you give to King Tut?   Chrysanthemummies.

     

  16. Why did the gardener quit?   Because his celery wasn't high enough. 

     

  17. A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken."

    -  James Dent

     

  18. What do you call a mushroom who is the life and soul of the party?   A fun-gi.

     

  19. "There's one good thing about snow, it makes your lawn look as nice as your neighbour’s."

    - Clyde Moore

     

  20. What do you call a cow who works for a landscape gardener?   A lawn moo-er.
Published: 3rd February 2017 in Humour

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